Compromise: “a concession to something derogatory or prejudicial.”
Dang, Merriam-Webster. That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? (Though I’m certain advocates for the Virginia Plan would side with you.)
I like the simple definition better: “a way of reaching agreement in which each person or group gives up something that was wanted in order to end an argument or dispute.”
The key word in that definition? Each. Each person gives up something. Not one, but each.
I met someone who by all accounts was exactly what I wanted. Handsome. Intelligent. Successful. Wonderful listener. Socially conscious. Empathetic. Great teeth (don’t judge me, as everyone has their preferences and this is one of mine). But there was a teeny, tiny catch…
He was into open dating.
It’s fine if others want to have open relationships, but I’m just not that kinda gal. Call me prissy, prudish, old-fashioned, unrealistic, whatever you want–it’s just not for me. I’m the type of person who goes all in when I commit to something, so that’s what I want in return. I’m also an only child, so sharing isn’t my strong suit (again, don’t judge me, as everyone has their flaws and this is one of mine).
So when he mentioned the subject with me, I listened to his rationale. I heard him out. I let him explain what it all meant and how he practiced it. (All the while hearing my intuition screaming, “Girl! What. Are. You. Thinking?!? This is not your lane! Don’t go there! This is not what you want!”)
And yet…I said I’d think about it. I honestly considered being one of many, even though my heart disagreed. This man was 80% what I needed him to be. I could live without that 20%, right? No one’s perfect. I was willing to compromise. That’s what adults are supposed to do–compromise! Each person gives up something for the greater good.
…But that wasn’t what was happening. Each person wasn’t giving up something. I was giving up something, and something I really, really want: Monogamy. Faithfulness. A one-and-only kind of love.
I don’t think that kind of love is impossible. I’ve seen it happen and I know it can happen for me. But it surely won’t if I keep doing this fake ass “compromising.”
I told him every man in my life (until recently) has let me down. They abandoned me. They decided that some one or something else was more important than me. I do not want that any more. I refuse to commit someone who is not willing to give everything, because that’s what I’m willing to give. I will not be second best.
I deserve someone who will make me their one. Their only.
So we decided it wasn’t going to work out. He’s a great person; I won’t cross the street or cuss his ass out if I ever see him again. He’s just not the one for me.
I was in my feelings a little bit after our decision to part ways and stumbled across this gem that reaffirmed I was taking the best action for my life.
Here’s to falling in love for the right reason and finding someone to share me…with me.