Long story short, I’m not getting married anymore. I’d rather not go into the gory details–those who need to know already do–and besides, the most important part of the story is that he’s gone.
So now I get to focus on me, which is something I haven’t done much over the past three years. I’ve been thinking a lot about myself over this past weekend and I’ve come to some conclusions:
- I like to fix people. Call me the Olivia Pope of broken boys, if you will. But sometimes you just can’t fix a person, and that’s okay. The person God has intended for me won’t need to be fixed; God will have already prepared him for me.
- I thought that putting myself first was selfish. Putting yourself first isn’t selfish. If you don’t put yourself first, who will? If I don’t make myself the best person I can be, I won’t be the best person for someone else.
- I can be willfully ignorant. The warning signs about this relationship appeared LONG ago, but I chose not to see them. However, God will make you get the message one way or another–I’m one that He has to bash over the head with stuff before I finally get it.
- I am awesome exactly the way I am. I’m not bragging; I’m speaking fact. I shouldn’t have to change anything about myself for someone to love me. If they don’t love me for who I am, they don’t deserve to marry me at all.
Throughout this ordeal I’ve also realized that I have the best friends and family on the planet. They have supported me in so many ways and showed me that I am never alone. I cannot begin to thank them for all that they’ve done for me.
Finally, I serve a God who will never, ever, EVER give up on me. God will always deliver for His children, no matter what. He brings people into our lives for a purpose and He takes them out of our lives for a purpose too. Trust Him and you can’t go wrong–He won’t let you.
I guess it’s gonna have to hurt,
I guess I’m gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I’ve loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it’s gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It’s sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
-Carrie Underwood, Starts With Goodbye