Enter Sandman

Anybody else have extremely vivid dreams?

Personally, I feel like I’m not even sleeping when I dream. Everything’s in technicolor. The sounds are loud and close. I even smell what’s happening in my dreams–it’s wild! Basically my dreams are the same as what I’d experience in real life…except for the people.

The people in my dreams aren’t even close to who they are in real life.

My dream people are cruel, calculating, liars. They manipulate me and break my trust. They try to enslave me, humiliate me, even kill me. They look just like they do in real life, but they act so viciously. They terrify me. It’s hard to shake those feelings even after I wake up.

You know there’s a lot of research out there on dreams. Scientists and psychologists say they represent our innermost thoughts, fears, and desires. Your teeth falling out in a dream means you’re afraid of getting old,”–that sort of thing. So what does it mean when the people I love most–my husband, mother, close friends–betray me so brazenly in my dreams?

I think it all comes down to trust.

I have such a hard time trusting people. Well, technically that’s not true. I trust people very easily–too easily. I remember times in my childhood where friends played pranks on me because they knew I’d buy into it. I grew up believeing someone until they gave me reason not to.

In adulthood, I’ve behaved differently. I’m more calculating, more hesitant to take someone at their word. I don’t fully trust anyone, because I’ve been let down so many times before. And that’s showing up in my dreams (I think). Which, to be frank, sucks. The absolute terror I feel when I sleep creeps into my thoughts and actions when I’m awake, perpetuating the cycle of distrust. (My husband can tell you firsthand about all the side-eyes he’s gotten for something “Dream Hubs” did or said.)

So much for a restful night’s sleep.

“I will come to You.”

I am taking a vow to consult God first. He knows what is best for me and so I will submit to His guidance. I have asked him to speak to me, to show me His plan for my life. If He wills it, I will do it.

In my prayers, I told Him “I will come to You.” Immediately the heaviness on my heart subsided. The worries that consumed my thoughts faded. At any point during my day when I become sad, angry, frustrated, or otherwise out of control, I will turn to Him. All obstacles are just temporary and are part of His greater plan. 

I know I am often willfully ignorant when it comes to God’s messages to me. I ignore His whispers until they become shouts. This cannot continue. I am standing in my own way and keeping myself from the blessings He has for me. I have to constantly remember that He made me in His image and that I deserve the best of His creations. 

This is going to be hard, but I will try hard. I always want to be in control, but now I know that I can’t be. Honestly, I won’t ever be. God is in control and if I obey His commandments and listen to Him, I will always prosper.