No More (Baby Imma Do Right)

“I’m gettina lil’ tired of your broken promises, promises…”

Y’all remember that song??? 3LW had middle school me hype! I was really out there singing (definitely off-key) to my (completely imaginary) boyfriend to get his (entirely hypothetical) shit together. 😂😂😂

Now, those three little women didn’t know what the hell they were singing about either. (Or maybe they were more sophisticated young adults than I was—who knows?) Either way, I appreciate the message behind the song in a way I couldn’t back then.

Sometimes, we stay in situations we know aren’t good for us. Whether it’s a job or a relationship or something else entirely, we stay because we feel comfortable. We stay because it’s what we know. We stay because we can’t imagine another way.

So we put up with the lies. The abuse. The broken promises, promises. We push aside our intuition and let the situation control us, instead of the other way around. Eventually, we find ourselves two options: stay or go.

Not an easy decision, but a necessary one.

Today, I stand at this crossroads. I can stay comfortable (and unhappy) where I am. I could journey to a new (scary and unknown) place.

I don’t know what to choose.

Without sharing too much, I’ve been in this situation for a long time time (over a decade actually). Many aspects of the situation are excellent, but a few key areas conflict with my personal values. I can choose to overlook those few things and just focus on the good, but that makes me feel like a fraud. I don’t want to lie to anyone, especially myself.

So here I am, between a rock and a hard place. I don’t know what I’m going to choose, but I do now this—I need to make a choice. Because as those three little women sang all those years ago…

“You do, or you don’t. You will, or you won’t.”

Resolution Dissolution (and Resurrection!)

As you’ve probably noticed, I’ve already broken one of my New Year’s resolutions.  I resolved to write on this blog every day, not matter how small the entry.  That…hasn’t happened.  I’ve posted occasionally, but fallen very short of my one-post-a-day goal.  Technology is partly to blame.  I cannot figure out how to make my WordPress app on my phone work–in a fit of frustration I deleted app and have yet to add it back (clearly “be more patient” was not one of my resolutions).  But that isn’t a great excuse, so I’m fixing it I fixed it and re-resolve to write a little bit every single day.

My other resolution was to love myself more.  I was inspired to make this resolution by one of the most fabulous people on the planet, RuPaul.  One of my favorite RuPaul quotations is, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

This is so true.  If I don’t love myself–if I’m not happy with who *I* am–how can I love my fiance, my step-kids, or anyone else?  If I can’t see the beauty and the goodness in myself, how can I truly see it in others?  Short answer:  I can’t.  So I’m loving myself more this year.

I’m going to start an exercise where I pick out something I love about myself each day.  These can be physical traits, personal traits, anything at all that I love about me.  Who knows–maybe I’ll post them here each day!  Satisfying two resolutions with one blog post.  🙂

Amen!

Amen!

Resolution

I tried posting this last night, but complications with my phone and the WordPress app got the best of me.

Every year I make resolutions and I usually never keep them.  This year I’m making just two and I’m fully committed to every word of both of them:

  1. Write something on this blog every single day, no matter how short or superfluous.
  2. Love myself more.

Here’s looking at you, 2015!