No More (Baby Imma Do Right)

“I’m gettina lil’ tired of your broken promises, promises…”

Y’all remember that song??? 3LW had middle school me hype! I was really out there singing (definitely off-key) to my (completely imaginary) boyfriend to get his (entirely hypothetical) shit together. 😂😂😂

Now, those three little women didn’t know what the hell they were singing about either. (Or maybe they were more sophisticated young adults than I was—who knows?) Either way, I appreciate the message behind the song in a way I couldn’t back then.

Sometimes, we stay in situations we know aren’t good for us. Whether it’s a job or a relationship or something else entirely, we stay because we feel comfortable. We stay because it’s what we know. We stay because we can’t imagine another way.

So we put up with the lies. The abuse. The broken promises, promises. We push aside our intuition and let the situation control us, instead of the other way around. Eventually, we find ourselves two options: stay or go.

Not an easy decision, but a necessary one.

Today, I stand at this crossroads. I can stay comfortable (and unhappy) where I am. I could journey to a new (scary and unknown) place.

I don’t know what to choose.

Without sharing too much, I’ve been in this situation for a long time time (over a decade actually). Many aspects of the situation are excellent, but a few key areas conflict with my personal values. I can choose to overlook those few things and just focus on the good, but that makes me feel like a fraud. I don’t want to lie to anyone, especially myself.

So here I am, between a rock and a hard place. I don’t know what I’m going to choose, but I do now this—I need to make a choice. Because as those three little women sang all those years ago…

“You do, or you don’t. You will, or you won’t.”

Back Here

It’s been a minute, hasn’t it?

My unplanned hiatus was filled with work, travel, and everything in between.  I’ve had some awesome times in the past two months–I’ve cried more than once too–but overall I think I’m slowly getting myself to a better place.

Things I’ve worked on since I’ve been gone:

  • Healthy eating:  I’m cooking more at home and trying out new recipes
  • Expanding the mind:  I’ve committed to reading 30 minutes every day and keep a list of books to read
  • Reconciling the past:  I’ve started attending Al-Anon to deal with the impact of my father’s alcoholism (more in a future post)
  • Interpersonal relationships:  I’ve been spending more time with friends and trying to get out of the house more
  • Self-esteem:  I’m realizing that I am AWESOME, just the way I am

I’m also committing to blogging twice a week from here on out–I’ve even got a new app to help keep me on track.  🙂

So here’s to continued personal growth and loving me for me!

Resolution

I tried posting this last night, but complications with my phone and the WordPress app got the best of me.

Every year I make resolutions and I usually never keep them.  This year I’m making just two and I’m fully committed to every word of both of them:

  1. Write something on this blog every single day, no matter how short or superfluous.
  2. Love myself more.

Here’s looking at you, 2015!