Music of My Heart: Pt. 2

Another day, another influential album.  🙂

Second on the list is…

breakaway

Album:  Breakaway
Artist:  Kelly Clarkson
Released:  2004

Anybody else reallyyyyyyyy into American Idol back in the day?  I know I was a huge fan of the ORIGINAL series (I’ve got opinions on the recent revival of the show–that’s for another post) that brought us the legend known as Kelly Clarkson.

I must admit, I wasn’t even rooting for Kelly to win the inaugural season of AI.  I was a teenage girl back then, which meant I was squarely on #TeamJustinGuarini.  (What can I say?  He was cute, and I had raging teen girl hormones controlling my thoughts.)  But Kelly definitely deserved to win.  Homegurl can SANG.  I enjoyed her debut album (Thankful) that came out as a result of her winning the show.

But her sophomore album Breakaway…that album was special.  It was the soundtrack for my high school years, even though it didn’t come out until I was a senior.

For a long time, I didn’t know that the feelings of desolation I had were actually signs of depression.  Breakaway helped me get through the pain I experienced (especially breaking up with my first boyfriend).  One song in particular called “Hear Me” was my heartsong.  I felt like I was in a crowd, screaming for help, and no one noticed.

Hear me
I’m cryin’ out
I’m ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I’m lost inside the crowd
It’s getting loud
I need you to see
I’m screaming for you to please
Hear me

(If you haven’t checked our Part 1 of this series, please do!)

Advertisements

Snowy Days

Winter in Wisconsin is in full swing, y’all. And ya girl is NOT FEELING IT.

Something Everything about the blistering cold, the gray skies, and the seemingly unending snowfall just makes me depressed. Being cooped up inside doesn’t help my anxiety either. The days are so short it feels like you never see the sun. The wind chill is so cold that it burns your skin. Now how much sense does that make–weather so cold it feels hot?!?

We got four inches of snow on Saturday, and another inch on Monday. More snow is predicted for tonight, and even more next week. My snow shovel and I have been best friends the past couple of days. #truestory I shoveled my driveway as my cardio warmup before my personal training session on Monday. There’s a silver lining to this cloud after all! 🙂

But, in all honestly, I know this rough patch won’t last. Where there is cold, eventually there will be warmth. Gray skies will be blue again. And summer will be here and make me forget all about these snowy days. Here is a snapshot from a hike at Devil’s Lake last summer–I cannot wait until I see green trees and feel the warm sun again!

The Crash (A Hate Poem for Depression)

The Crash is The Crash because it hits you.  Hard.

The Crash laughs at you for thinking everything would be okay. “When has it ever been okay?  When have you ever been okay?”

The Crash wakes you up exhausted after a full night’s sleep.  Keeps you up at night.  Turns your stomach.  Takes your breath.

The Crash begs you to stay inside.  “You’re too weak to make it through the day.  You can’t even get out of this bed.”

Sometimes, The Crash wins.  You stay.  Cry.  Dry your tears. Cry. Just…cry. 

Sometimes, you can’t (won’t) stay.  You get up because you have to, need to.

The Crash vows to destroy your day anyway.  

The Crash ruins your makeup before you finish putting it on, keeps a gleeful tally of how many times you cover the tracks of tears on your cheeks.

The Crash brings you to tears anywhere:  walking into work, in the produce section of the grocery store, on a treadmill at the gym.  The Crash hopes no one notices and smirks when they don’t.  “When has anyone ever noticed you?”

The Crash mocks the brave face you put on. Chuckles when you say, text, think, “I’m fine.” “You just keep on wearing that fake smile, girl. You may fool them, but you won’t fool me.”

You work through it. You always do. But…

The Crash always happens again.