Ever overhear someone talking bad about another person and just know they were talking about you?
Yeah, me too. It happened Saturday night, in fact. I’m sure the ladies didn’t expect me to hear the conversation, but I heard it nonetheless. I won’t tell you exactly what was said, but I can tell you that most people would probably let it go.
But I can’t.
That’s the problem with me and my anxiety. I can’t just let shit go. And I can’t articulate what’s happening in my mind to anyone else–my words never feel strong enough to make someone else feel what I’m going through.
So I pretend. I act like nothing is bothering me. Even when anxiety is constantly looping in my brain, threatening to push me into panic mode, I smile and pretend like everything is fine. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember. Saturday night I pretended to be looking up something on my phone to make the ladies think I hadn’t heard them, or didn’t care enough to acknowledge that I did.
I haven’t mentioned what happened on Saturday to anyone until now, but trust I’ve been thinking about it nonstop since it happened. It happened after an event I’d helped plan, one that I thought was pretty successful. But apparently someone had issues with me and my departure from the event, which was the conversation I overheard.
I wish I could just not care.
I wish I could remember that the event was successful and someone’s small comment doesn’t overshadow that.
I wish I could remember that what other people think about me doesn’t matter.
But too many times, I can’t let it go.
So I’m setting a new intention for 2018: let it go!
- Let negativity go.
- Let stress go.
- Let other people’s opinions of me go.
- Let drama go.
- Let my unrealistically high expectations for myself go.
- Let doubt go.
Not saying I’ll have it mastered by the end of the year, but I’m damn sure gonna try.
What are your methods for overcoming anxiety?