Let It Go

Ever overhear someone talking bad about another person and just know they were talking about you?

Yeah, me too. It happened Saturday night, in fact. I’m sure the ladies didn’t expect me to hear the conversation, but I heard it nonetheless. I won’t tell you exactly what was said, but I can tell you that most people would probably let it go.

But I can’t.

That’s the problem with me and my anxiety. I can’t just let shit go. And I can’t articulate what’s happening in my mind to anyone else–my words never feel strong enough to make someone else feel what I’m going through.

So I pretend. I act like nothing is bothering me. Even when anxiety is constantly looping in my brain, threatening to push me into panic mode, I smile and pretend like everything is fine. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember. Saturday night I pretended to be looking up something on my phone to make the ladies think I hadn’t heard them, or didn’t care enough to acknowledge that I did.

I haven’t mentioned what happened on Saturday to anyone until now, but trust I’ve been thinking about it nonstop since it happened. It happened after an event I’d helped plan, one that I thought was pretty successful. But apparently someone had issues with me and my departure from the event, which was the conversation I overheard.

I wish I could just not care.

I wish I could remember that the event was successful and someone’s small comment doesn’t overshadow that.

I wish I could remember that what other people think about me doesn’t matter.

But too many times, I can’t let it go.

So I’m setting a new intention for 2018: let it go!

  • Let negativity go.
  • Let stress go.
  • Let other people’s opinions of me go.
  • Let drama go.
  • Let my unrealistically high expectations for myself go.
  • Let doubt go.

Not saying I’ll have it mastered by the end of the year, but I’m damn sure gonna try.

What are your methods for overcoming anxiety?

Snowy Days

Winter in Wisconsin is in full swing, y’all. And ya girl is NOT FEELING IT.

Something Everything about the blistering cold, the gray skies, and the seemingly unending snowfall just makes me depressed. Being cooped up inside doesn’t help my anxiety either. The days are so short it feels like you never see the sun. The wind chill is so cold that it burns your skin. Now how much sense does that make–weather so cold it feels hot?!?

We got four inches of snow on Saturday, and another inch on Monday. More snow is predicted for tonight, and even more next week. My snow shovel and I have been best friends the past couple of days. #truestory I shoveled my driveway as my cardio warmup before my personal training session on Monday. There’s a silver lining to this cloud after all! 🙂

But, in all honestly, I know this rough patch won’t last. Where there is cold, eventually there will be warmth. Gray skies will be blue again. And summer will be here and make me forget all about these snowy days. Here is a snapshot from a hike at Devil’s Lake last summer–I cannot wait until I see green trees and feel the warm sun again!

Tooth Scary

I would say I’m sorry for the hiatus, but I’ve been out living life (and having a grand time doing it) so I don’t feel that bad about taking a blogging break–more details on my awesome adventures in a later post. 🙂 However, not every adventure since my last post has been awesome. Take, for example, today’s adventure–the dentist. 

I have had dental anxiety for as long as I can remember (and apparently before then). My mom told me I had to be sedated at the dentist’s office as a child because I kicked, screamed, and fought. My memories consist of tears, sweating, and an overwhelming feeling of panic. This anxiety haunts me to this day. Literally. To this day–I’m writing this from the dentist’s office. Just a short time ago, I got so worked up about getting the Novocain that I had to get damn near topless I was sweating so much. I trembled like a leaf. My breath became shallow and my heart raced; I thought I was going to pass out. 

 See? Not happy. 

Apparently, I’m not alone. Many Americans avoid going to the dentist because of anxiety. I don’t know what it is about being in the dentist’s chair that freaks me out so much. Actually, i *do* have a few ideas:

  1. I don’t like people putting their hands in my mouth. That seems very personal to me for some reason. 
  2. Needles and sharp objects. Never been a fan of those, but once they’re in my mouth my stress level quadruples. 
  3. The drilling. Oh, the drilling. It is irritating enough when it’s outside your office window. Even more so when it’s INSIDE YOUR HEAD. 
  4. Smell and taste. Smells like a nail salon, tastes like a chemical cocktail. I actually gagged today because whatever they used for my filling got onto the back of my tongue. 
  5. The cost. Not only do I have to suffer through #1-5, I have to give up all of my hard earned coin to do it!

I did some research and found that others feel anxious about going to the dentist for many of the same reasons I do. This is comforting; I’ve always felt like a freak for getting so worked up about sitting in the dentist’s chair. Luckily there are things one can do to cope with this fear, including (but not limited to) taking awesome care of your teeth so you don’t have to go to the dentist in the first place. 

That’s going to be my new coping mechanism–brushing like a fiend, flossing like a champ, and waterpik-ing like nobody’s business! I’ll also keep seeing the awesome ladies at my dentist’s office–they are excellent at making me feel comfortable and calming me down if I panic. 

Any of y’all get anxiety like this–not just the dentist, but with anything? If so, how do you cope?