It’s been six months since I last blogged. I didn’t plan to disappear, but life took over, and I want to tell you how it went.
The job search
The job market is, for lack of better phrase, hot garbage right now. I submitted SO MANY applications and I never heard back from most of them. I got a few interviews–even a couple of second interviews that I thought for sure I had in the bag–and my heart was crushed when the rejection came back. I tried not to take it personally, but with an already bruised ego it felt like adding insult to injury every time. So when I finally got an offer from the Wisconsin Department of Safety and Professional Services, I was absolutely elated! I accepted the position and I really enjoy my new job. The team is great, my boss is cool, and I’m doing work that aligns with my values again.
The trips
Thankfully I had some trips planned (and paid for) before I got laid off, so my unemployment wasn’t just spent applying for jobs. I took a weekend trip to Charleston, South Carolina with my dear friend Kathy and had an absolute BALL. We ate so much delicious food, saw absolutely beautiful nature, and hit up the local landmarks. Charleston has a rich history and it was amazing to learn more about the city. My husband and I also took a trip to Atlanta, Georgia to celebrate his 40th birthday. That was a great time as well; he’s a big baseball fan so we made sure to get prime tickets to see the Braves plan. We also got to channel our inner Vin Diesel and go around a racing track in a Porsche! That was a thrill for sure…but now I’m certain “NASCAR driver” is NOT a career I ever want to go into.
The question I couldn’t stop asking
Somewhere in the middle of all this, I started asking myself if I wanted to keep making YouTube videos (and corresponding blog posts, like this one). Over and over the voice in my head would ask, “Is this even worth it?” I got really discouraged and overwhelmed with the whole process; I’d spent a lot of time shooting video, reviewing hours of footage, and editing it all (doubting myself the entire time)…to see the video only 12 views. I was so worried about thumbnails and subscribers and SEO and monetization that I forgot why I started the channel in the first place–to speak my truth and share my story with the world. So will I keep up with my YouTube journey? I don’t have a final answer yet, but making this most recent video was a good start. Sitting down to record reminded me that my channel is MY channel–I should say what I want, not what gets clicks and views. And most of all, YouTube is supposed to be fun! From now on, making videos will be a fun creative project that relieves my stress instead of causing it.
Where this leaves us
Right now, I’m in a decent place. The job loss triggered my depression and anxiety, and relationship issues made things even worse. But thanks to the support of my family and close friends, I’m much better. Stability is really important to me, and I finally feel like I’m getting back to baseline. And as a forever optimist, I’m hopefully that things will only continue to improve. I’m loving on myself for the first time in a long time and it feels so good.
If you’ve been through something similar, whether that’s a job hunt, a grand adventure, or a moment of asking “Is this even worth it?”, I’d love to hear about it in the comments. And if you want me to keep going on YouTube, tell me what you’d like to see next.
Watch the full video here: I Disappeared for 6 Months. Here’s What Happened.
