Heated

What do you complain about the most?

I don’t really think of myself as a “complainer.”

I’m the type of gal to try to make the most of any situation. I say I “go with the flow” though my therapist might call it “conflict avoidant” haha. But I truly don’t have much to complain about in life.

However, one thing chaps my ass so much I’ll actually speak up about it:

If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT.

Nothing irritates me more than a flaky person. The old folks called it “sometimey.” You say one thing, then do another. Behaving this way is a guaranteed method to get my attention (and not in a positive way).

Perhaps I feel this way because I try really hard to keep my commitments. My mother DID NOT PLAY about keeping commitments! Anytime I wanted to sign up for a new activity or team, she would always say, “If you agree to this, you see it through the whole season/year/production/whatever. You don’t have to do it ever again after that, but people are depending on you. If you make this commitment, you keep it.”

So you can imagine how, after a lifetime of keeping commitments, it irks me when others don’t do the same. To me, my word is everything. So if you tell me you’ll do something, I will believe you until you show me otherwise. Therefore…

If you can no longer do a thing, SAY SOMETHING.

I know life happens. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. So if I can’t keep a commitment, I’ll let you know as far in advance as I can (and expect you to do the same). Don’t have people out here counting on you and then just leave them hanging—that is disrespectful and rude.

So be honest. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Keep the promises you do make. Let folks know if situations change.

Then maybe we’ll all have a bit less to complain about!

What’s Going On

I had an entirely different post planned but then Russia invaded Ukraine and the governor in Texas wants to investigate parents of trans kids as child abusers and the world is imploding.

This is terrifying. I don’t understand it.

Why are we still doing this to ourselves? Why are people so greedy, so selfish, so unwilling to see other humans as fucking HUMAN???

I know this blog post won’t change anything but right is right and wrong is wrong. Staying silent seems complicit to me and I want to use the little platform I have to do something—anything.

Stand with Ukraine.

Protect trans kids.

Treat other humans with decency and respect (and do the same for Mother Earth too—don’t treat our planet like it’s disposable).

We only have one life to live. Don’t spend it being a shitty person.

Heat

Think about all the things going on in your life: work, school, family, friends, all that. Think about how much you time and energy you pour into those things. Now ask yourself this question:

What am I getting back?

If you are providing support, you deserve support. If you are giving respect, you deserve respect. If you are listening and striving for understanding, you absolutely deserve to be listened to and understood.

This applies at home, at work, and anywhere else. You should get back what you put in.

But–and it’s a BIG but–you also have to communicate your feelings.

Have you told the person (or people) that you’ve been supporting/respecting/listening to that you aren’t getting the same in return?

Sharing your perspective is the most important part of all this, and yet it’s the part that often gets skipped. How do I know this? Because I’m the one who hates confrontation. I will avoid it at all cost.

Communication does not have to equal confrontation.

If these people truly love you, care about you, and value you, they’ll hear you out. They’ll try to meet you halfway.

And if they don’t, just remember this:

I put my work in–day in, day out!

Baby I deserve it–don’t let me down.

You used to make me feel like a diamond.

Now it don’t even seem like you’re tryin’…

So give me one good reason I should need you?

Kelly Clarkson, ‘Heat’

Nothing Less

Life is too short to waste time on those that don’t deserve it. Every person you hold dear should improve your life and make you a better person in some way. If they aren’t bothered with making time for you, keeping promises, or caring about your feelings, keep it moving. They don’t want to invest in you, so why should you invest in them?

It can be hard to end those relationships and sever those ties, but it must be done. You deserve to be surrounded by people who care about you and want to make you a better person, not those who only care when it’s convenient or beneficial to them. You are worthy of dedication, love, and respect. 

Accept nothing less.