Tag Archives: communication

The Power of Now: Actionable Tips for Living Your Best Life (from guest blogger Melissa Howard)

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Photo by Freepik

In an era where life’s pace never seems to slow, finding your path to personal excellence might appear formidable. Yet, it’s the incremental changes to our everyday habits that can dramatically shift our trajectory toward success and fulfillment. This guide from Deep Curves Ahead provides actionable steps you can take to enhance your well-being, nurture personal growth, and achieve your aspirations.

The Essential Role of Quality Sleep

The cornerstone of a productive and fulfilling day begins with a good night’s sleep. Adequate rest is paramount, not merely for physical rejuvenation but for mental sharpness and emotional balance as well. When you commit to 7-9 hours of quality sleep nightly, you lay the groundwork for enhanced focus, improved mood regulation, and overall physical health. It’s the fuel that powers your ability to confront daily challenges with vigor and resilience.

Navigate Stress with Grace

The presence of stress in our lives is a given, yet its impact is determined by our management of it. Identifying stress triggers and embracing coping mechanisms such as mindfulness practices, deep breathing exercises, and self-care rituals, transform stress from a hindrance into a catalyst for growth. This proactive approach to stress management not only alleviates immediate tension but also fortifies your resilience against future stressors.

Find Renewal Through Deep Cleaning

A cluttered environment often mirrors a cluttered mind, where both can significantly hinder your ability to focus and manifest your goals. Committing to a deep cleaning of your living space not only refreshes your surroundings but also declutters your mental landscape. Make this process easier by unearthing cleaning hacks and tips from reputable online sources. This act of renewal invites creativity, enhances focus, and cultivates a serene environment conducive to personal growth and productivity.

Become a Better Communicator

The art of communication is a pivotal tool in building and maintaining successful relationships. By enhancing your ability to listen actively, express yourself assertively, and extend empathy, you deepen your connections and navigate conflicts with ease. These communication skills are instrumental in cultivating a supportive network and advancing collaborative efforts, both personally and professionally.

Embrace Organization In All Aspects of Your Life

A well-organized life is a foundation for efficiency and clarity. Developing systematic routines and employing organizational tools like planners and digital applications streamline your daily tasks, thereby freeing up time for growth-oriented activities. This strategic approach not only minimizes stress but also aligns your daily actions with your overarching goals, ensuring steady progress toward your aspirations.

Use Your Vacation Time 

Embracing the full potential of your vacation time can be a transformative experience, not just a break from your daily routine. Instead of letting those precious days go unused, plan trips that you’ve long dreamed about. Whether it’s exploring the hidden gems within your own state, discovering the diverse cultures and landscapes across your country, or venturing into the vast and varied terrains of the world, each journey offers a unique opportunity for personal growth and enrichment. Traveling broadens your horizons, exposes you to new ideas, and fosters a deeper understanding of the world and your place in it.

Go Back to School to Boost Your Career

Going back to school is a strategic move for career advancement, and choosing an online degree program adds a layer of convenience and flexibility that can be pivotal for working professionals. For instance, if you’re a nurse, with a master’s of science degree in nursing, you can gain valuable skills designed to equip students with a range of competencies, from advanced patient care to healthcare policy and ethics, all of which are critical in today’s rapidly evolving medical field. The beauty of an online education format is that it allows you to balance your work and family life without compromising on your academic goals.

The path to living your best life is paved with intentional actions and mindful decisions. By embracing these strategies, you’re not merely dreaming of a better tomorrow; you’re actively constructing it. Each day presents a new opportunity to apply these principles, gradually steering your life toward a future brimming with success, fulfillment, and personal achievement. Start today, and with each step, you’ll move closer to realizing the life you envision.

Join the journey at Deep Curves Ahead, where engaging and uplifting stories await to guide and inspire you through life’s twists and turns. 

America Has a Problem

Posted in She. Me. Her. by

Are you patriotic? What does being patriotic mean to you?

As a child, I thought America was the best country on the planet. Today, I still have love for my country. But as I’ve grown and learned more American history—real American history, not the whitewashed sugarcoated stuff—the relationship has grown more complicated.

America was built on land stolen from indigenous people with labor stolen from enslaved Africans. As a descendant of enslaved Africans, I am constantly reminded of the cost of the “American experiment.” Chattel slavery built this country, and my ancestors lives were only as valuable as the work they completed, the output they produced. That original sin is often glossed over; even today politicians claim America is “not a racist country” when it was literally built on the backs of the extremely racial institution of slavery.

I grew up during the 1990s, a decade of innovation and prosperity in America. During my childhood, it seemed like things were on the up and up for the USA. But even then, there were subtle signs that my country of origin wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Unfortunately I experienced racism as young as 4 years old. I was called racial slurs, told to “go back to Africa,” the list goes on and on.

Where I grew up, racism was blatant—confederate flags, segregated churches, an active Klan chapter just a few counties over. But racism would sneak up on you too. I’ll never forget when one of my closest friends—someone I literally called my brother—told me to go pick his cotton. I assumed I misheard him when he said it the first time; surely my “brother” wouldn’t say something like that to me! He repeated himself for emphasis, and I’ve never forgotten how crushed I felt in that moment.

In 1996, the US hosted the summer Olympics in Atlanta. My mother and I were fortunate enough to get tickets—we saw Michael Johnson and his gold shoes set world records in Track & Field! But those Games were marred by tragedy; a bombing took place that sent the country into a panic. Fast forward to September 11, 2001, another tragic day in American history. After both of those incidents, Americans came together in ways that I had never seen before. It felt like we were actually united—not Black or white, gay or straight, but American. When times got tough, we really lived up to the statement “united we stand, divided we fall.”

And still, I haven’t even begun to touch on the ways America has caused conflict and chaos in other parts of the world. It is hard to be proud when I know how much damage my country has caused to people who look just like me.

To me, being patriotic is resolving to do what I can right these wrongs. I can’t change everything, but I can take small steps. I can try to make things right and be the kind of American I can be proud of. Patriotism is recognizing our painful past and vowing to never let it happen again. True patriotism is creating an American that lives up the the ideals set forth hundreds of years ago: one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Heated

Posted in Normal People Things, She. Me. Her., That's What the World Is Today, Work Life by

What do you complain about the most?

I don’t really think of myself as a “complainer.”

I’m the type of gal to try to make the most of any situation. I say I “go with the flow” though my therapist might call it “conflict avoidant” haha. But I truly don’t have much to complain about in life.

However, one thing chaps my ass so much I’ll actually speak up about it:

If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT.

Nothing irritates me more than a flaky person. The old folks called it “sometimey.” You say one thing, then do another. Behaving this way is a guaranteed method to get my attention (and not in a positive way).

Perhaps I feel this way because I try really hard to keep my commitments. My mother DID NOT PLAY about keeping commitments! Anytime I wanted to sign up for a new activity or team, she would always say, “If you agree to this, you see it through the whole season/year/production/whatever. You don’t have to do it ever again after that, but people are depending on you. If you make this commitment, you keep it.”

So you can imagine how, after a lifetime of keeping commitments, it irks me when others don’t do the same. To me, my word is everything. So if you tell me you’ll do something, I will believe you until you show me otherwise. Therefore…

If you can no longer do a thing, SAY SOMETHING.

I know life happens. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. So if I can’t keep a commitment, I’ll let you know as far in advance as I can (and expect you to do the same). Don’t have people out here counting on you and then just leave them hanging—that is disrespectful and rude.

So be honest. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Keep the promises you do make. Let folks know if situations change.

Then maybe we’ll all have a bit less to complain about!

chemistry

Posted in Normal People Things, She. Me. Her. by

Do you ever stop to think about the specific combination of events that brought you to this moment? The decisions you or others made that led you here? I do (too often if I’m honest with myself).

We are the products of the choices we make, and I like to think I’ve made some pretty decent choices throughout my life. But it can also be surmised that we are the product of others choices too (at least to a certain extent). Would I still be where I am–who I am–if the people around me made different choices?

In college, I grew very close to someone on my speech and debate team. From the moment we met we just clicked, and we became best friends. We supported each other through breakups, had tons of fun at speech tournaments and parties, even lived together for a time. After I graduated and we moved to different states, I thought our friendship was solid.

Until it wasn’t.

I was going through an abusive relationship and I admit I wasn’t the best friend I could be. When I reached out to my friend, it was usually after a bad bout with my ex when I needed support and a listening ear. She grew frustrated that I wouldn’t leave him and said as much in a particularly heated phone exchange. That was the last time I spoke to her.

In hindsight I understand her perspective; she was tired of seeing her friend crying and hurt. She made a decision to no longer contact me. I can’t make assumptions about what spurred her decision to cease communication, but I know I was too embarrassed about my situation to reach out to her after that. Eventually I did exit the abusive relationship, but my friendship never recovered.

Maybe it was the chemistry of that moment: a combination of too much distance, not enough communication, and the heat of emotion. (A sprinkle more awareness and a dash less pride on my end probably would have been helpful in the situation too, I see that now.) But who truly knows what combination of elements–on my former friend’s end and mine–would have made the friendship successful?

Maybe it was never meant to be more than it was.

But what I know now is what I know now. Each of us makes decisions we feel are best based on the information we have at the moment, and relationships are not science. But like any good chemist, I’ll apply what I learned to future experiments relationships and hopefully achieve better outcomes.

skip this part

Posted in She. Me. Her. by

Can I skip this part
When I fall to pieces
Back here at start
Need a time machine then

If I could escape all this hurt and this pain, oh, I would
What it’s gonna take to get me through this break is no good

Kelly Clarkson, ‘skip this part’

I know I’m guilty of pushing my feelings aside for convenience, self-preservation, and to protect other people’s feelings. Those so-called “bad” feelings—anger, disappointment, frustration—I’m the queen of holding that ish in. For some many reasons, I’ve convinced myself that these very natural feelings should be hidden away. Other people can feel that way, but not me. Can’t let people know when they hurt you—that’s weakness! Never show people you’re upset—don’t wanna be a buzzkill!

But even the “good” feelings are carefully sequestered; joy, passion, and enthusiasm are carefully meted. Phrases like “a crime of passion” always freaked me out because the emotion takes over. I never want to lose control of myself, even for “good” reason. Not only that, if I allow myself to fully experience those emotions then I’ll open myself up to disappointment. Don’t get too happy because you’ll feel that tumble and crash into sadness even more. Don’t get too excited because then it will hurt twice as much when someone (especially someone you love) lets you down.

But today and from now on, I allow myself to feel.

I am so sick of putting myself into a box because it’s easier than living outside of it. I am wasting one of the most beautiful human experiences—feeling and emotion—because I’m worried about how other people will react. I will always consider and respect the feelings of others, and I try to never shame anyone for feeling a way. So I’m going to apply that sentiment to myself from now on.

Do you allow yourself to feel? How do you express your feelings in a healthy, non-destructive way that still respects the feelings of others?

This Time

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Oh. My. Goodness. …Am I actually getting my shit together?!?

Short answer: Yes. (FINALLY.)

I know it’s been awhile but I’ve decided to give this blogging thing a try. Again. For the umpteenth time. After OVER A YEAR of crickets on the blog.

It isn’t like I haven’t thought about it, though. I’ve often tried to drum up the inspiration, the energy to write. But it didn’t feel right until now.

You know, one of the reasons I’ve avoided writing here is because this blog chronicles some of the lowest points of my life. Reading the entries reminds me of how broken, how lost and afraid I was. The wounds may have healed a bit over time, but the memories of their infliction never faded.

My goal now is to rediscover my love of writing, explore all the things I’m learning about myself on my journey through therapy, and HEAL. (Not necessarily in that order.)

If I’m lucky, maybe I’ll help some of y’all who are healing too.

Life is full of twists and turns, a road ever winding with deep curves ahead. Some times we find ourselves at dead ends. Other times the path is leisurely, not a pothole or speed bump in sight. The only thing we know for sure is that there is no GPS and we can’t refill our tanks when our fuel finally runs out.

So let’s take this journey.

Let’s hop into the driver’s seat of our lives.

Spark the ignition of hope.

Check the rear view mirror to remember where we came from.

Turn toward the path of growth, peace, joy.

…and hit the gas.

Speak Now

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One of the things I’m trying to work on is speaking up.

Now, if you’ve ever met me you know I’m not afraid to talk. According to my mama, I’ve been talking since I figured out how to string two words together. My elementary school teachers tried to keep me quiet by moving my seat—that did NOT work. Long story short, I’ll talk to anybody.

But talking and speaking up are two different things.

Speaking up means voicing your opinions. Speaking up means sharing your feelings. Speaking up means calling out people or behaviors that are wrong.

I haven’t always done that.

As a kid, I was expected to stay in a child’s place and not question the adults in my life. In middle school, I told a boy that I liked him and he humiliated me in from of my entire class. In high school, after an emotionally abusive boyfriend hurt himself right in front of me, I was told not to say anything about it. Instances like these occurred in college and my adult life too. Honestly, there were many times I silenced myself because I was worried people wouldn’t like me.

But no more.

We only have one life to live, and I’m tired of not speaking my truth. This newfound desire to speak out has made me uncomfortable—especially at work. But these are just growing pains.

My opinions and feelings are valid. My voice is important. It’s time to speak.

Now.

Heat

Posted in Normal People Things, She. Me. Her., Work Life, You + Me = Us by

Think about all the things going on in your life: work, school, family, friends, all that. Think about how much you time and energy you pour into those things. Now ask yourself this question:

What am I getting back?

If you are providing support, you deserve support. If you are giving respect, you deserve respect. If you are listening and striving for understanding, you absolutely deserve to be listened to and understood.

This applies at home, at work, and anywhere else. You should get back what you put in.

But–and it’s a BIG but–you also have to communicate your feelings.

Have you told the person (or people) that you’ve been supporting/respecting/listening to that you aren’t getting the same in return?

Sharing your perspective is the most important part of all this, and yet it’s the part that often gets skipped. How do I know this? Because I’m the one who hates confrontation. I will avoid it at all cost.

Communication does not have to equal confrontation.

If these people truly love you, care about you, and value you, they’ll hear you out. They’ll try to meet you halfway.

And if they don’t, just remember this:

I put my work in–day in, day out!

Baby I deserve it–don’t let me down.

You used to make me feel like a diamond.

Now it don’t even seem like you’re tryin’…

So give me one good reason I should need you?

Kelly Clarkson, ‘Heat’

Try a Little…

Posted in She. Me. Her., That's What the World Is Today by

Tenderness. Ah, Otis Redding. Still not sure exactly what a “shaggy dress” is, but the song is awesome regardless.

We could all stand to treat each other a bit more tenderly these days.

Now, more than ever, am I realizing that people are just that–people. Each person is facing their own internal battle, and plenty of us have external battles to fight too. (Hellooooo Miss Rona.)

“It’s a cruel world.” We’ve all heard that before. But does it have to be?

Not at all.

Could we all take the time to really listen to each other, be honest, and make a valiant attempt to see the world from someone else’s point of view? Could we not just talk, but actually communicate? Absolutely.

Will we do this? Fuck no.

Why? Because we don’t want to make the effort. Or, to use a phrase I’ve heard more often than I’ve ever wanted to, “That sounds like a lot of work.”

Who cares if it’s a lot of work if it’s the right thing to do?

Every damn day I bust my ass to try to do the right thing. My mother raised me to think of others, be compassionate, and do what I know is right even if the world says it’s wrong. These were lessons I learned very early in life.

Apparently not everyone got the same lesson.

But what can I do other than lead by example? I’ll try my best to be kind, and supportive, and to treat people the way I’d like to be treated.

I’ll try a little tenderness.

Will you?

This carnival ride…

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A few days ago, I got word that my aunt (my father’s sister) passed away.

As a child, I spent a lot of time with my father’s side of the family—summertime barbecues, holiday gatherings.  After my parent’s divorce, those weekends and holidays became less frequent.  It shames me to say this, but I hadn’t seen my aunt in years–probably since my father’s funeral in 2000.  There are occasional phone calls from my paternal grandmother, but I’m not close with them like I am with my mom’s side of the family.  

Thanks to Facebook, I was able to keep up with my aunt’s progress even though I couldn’t see her in person.  She had been sick for some time–close to death at least once–but her passing came as a surprise.  I spoke with my grandmother this morning on the phone and she just kept saying, “She was doing so well…”  I guess this is a true testament that God calls us home in His time.

Sometimes tragedy is the catalyst that families need to come closer together.  Who knows if my aunt’s passing will change the way I interact with my father’s side of the family, but it is a definite reminder that life is precious–we only get one go on this carnival ride called life, so make sure yours is one to remember.