Tag Archives: life lessons

3 Life Lessons I Wish I’d Learned Sooner (+ a Birthday Bonus Lesson)

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It’s my birthday today 🎉—and while birthdays usually mean cake, candles, and maybe a little champagne, this year I’m in a more reflective mood. As I joked in my latest video, I’m an “old bitch” now (truly love that for me), and I’ve realized there are some lessons I really wish I’d picked up sooner in life.

So instead of keeping them to myself, I decided to share them. Here are 3 life lessons (plus a bonus one) that I’m finally learning:

1. Your body will betray you.
Getting older means realizing that your body isn’t invincible. The aches, pains, and slower recovery times are real. If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self to move more, stay active, and take health seriously before it became non-negotiable.

2. F*ck the haters—they suck.
I spent too much of my life worrying about what other people thought of me. Truth is, the haters will always hate, and their opinions don’t matter. Life feels lighter when you stop performing for others and start living for yourself.

3. Put your phone down and actually enjoy your life.
Scrolling is easy, but it doesn’t feed the soul. These days I’m learning to find joy in the little things—like walks in nature, good food, or just noticing the world around me. Life is too short to miss it because of a screen.

✨ Bonus Lesson: Don’t just survive—live!
It’s not enough to just make it through the day. As I enter my 38th year on Planet Earth, I want to create moments worth remembering, embrace joy where I can, and make the most of this one life.

🎥 Watch the full video here: Birthday Wisdom from an Old B*tch 🎉 3 Lessons I Learned the Hard Way

So here’s to another year older, hopefully wiser, and definitely bolder! If any of these lessons resonate with you, I’d love to hear which one hits home the most.

#lifelessons #birthdayreflections #selfgrowth #gettingolder #authenticity #selfcare

Small Business Spotlight: Renee Equestrian

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We’re taking a short break from the She Is series to highlight an up-and-coming small business working to increase accessibility to the equestrian industry. I sat down with Amber Mitchell, owner of Renee Equestrian, to discuss how her business is breaking barriers.

Share the story behind your decision to start your own business, particularly in a field that’s traditionally been exclusive and lacking diversity.
I had long contemplated starting my own business, but I often felt that the timing wasn’t optimal or that I lacked sufficient resources or a solid foundation. However, I recently had a realization. Throughout my life, regardless of where I’ve lived, horses have always been a constant presence. I interpreted this as a sign from a higher power. Upon deeper reflection, I concluded that waiting for the “perfect” moment is futile; one must simply take action. Consequently, I decided to pursue Reneè Equestrian.

Breaking stereotypes and shattering barriers are central themes in your business mission. How do you see your business contributing to a more inclusive equestrian world, and what steps have you taken to realize this vision?
I see my business contributing to a more inclusive equestrian world by serving as a valuable resource for minorities interested in exploring and expanding their knowledge of horses. A significant stride I’ve made towards promoting inclusivity in the equestrian sphere is the establishment of a collegiate equestrian team at a Historically Black College and University (HBCU).

Establishing an equestrian team at an HBCU is an ambitious and impactful goal. What inspired you to pursue this particular initiative, and what challenges do you anticipate in bringing it to fruition?
During my time on the equestrian team at the University of Alabama, I observed a lack of diversity among riders, particularly a scarcity of black riders. Having competed in the eventing discipline since the age of 8, I always hoped to find a riding partner who shared my background but struggled to do so. One of the primary challenges I anticipate facing is potential resistance from the school due to concerns regarding risk and liability. Working with horses, or any animals for that matter, inherently involves some level of risk. However, I diligently adhere to the Certified Horsemanship Association (CHA) rules to prioritize the safety of both riders and horses.

As a Black woman navigating the equestrian industry, what unique experiences or insights do you bring to your business that set you apart from others in the field?
This is such a fun question! One aspect that sets me apart is my deep appreciation for my cultural identity, which I proudly wear on my body! For instance, I enjoy riding with fake nails and expressing myself through vibrant colors and patterned belts in my equestrian attire. Additionally, as a black woman in the equestrian world, I take pride in being a representative for other black equestrians. For instance, I aspire to create a book titled “Riding Is For Everyone,” which would highlight ways to make riding accessible and inclusive for individuals from all backgrounds. This could include guidance on accommodating different hairstyles while ensuring safety and respect.

What specific services and programs does your business offer? What training methods do you use?
I currently offer beginner lessons both mounted and unmounted, but you must have your own horse. I follow the rules of the Certified Horsemanship Association (CHA) to prioritize the safety of both riders and horses. Many of my teachings come from CHA, USPC (United States Pony Club), and my coaches/trainers.

Many individuals may be inspired by your mission and eager to support your efforts in promoting diversity and inclusion in equestrian sports. What are some specific ways members of the public can support your business?
Thank you for asking this question! To contribute, please contact me directly via email or visit reneeequestrian.com and complete the contact form. This approach allows me to provide you with detailed information about your donation’s impact. I prefer to go this route as opposed to simply accepting money because I think it is important for you to feel proud of your donation and the change you are contributing to. Donations do NOT have to be monetary – we also accept new/used tack and apparel. Contributions will be allocated towards acquiring safe and suitable apparel and tack for our riders and horses, as well as covering horse feed and maintenance, competition fees, facility access, insurance coverage, riders scholarships, and other essential needs. Other ways to support it are by word of mouth and social media (@ridewrenee on Instagram) exposure. Once we become more established volunteers will be welcomed as well.

For individuals interested in learning more about your business, what are the primary channels through which they can contact you?
The best way to learn more about my business and the mission please visit reneeequestrian.com or reach out to me via email or by phone (773-936-6396). Either way I am happy to talk to you! 🙂

America Has a Problem

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Are you patriotic? What does being patriotic mean to you?

As a child, I thought America was the best country on the planet. Today, I still have love for my country. But as I’ve grown and learned more American history—real American history, not the whitewashed sugarcoated stuff—the relationship has grown more complicated.

America was built on land stolen from indigenous people with labor stolen from enslaved Africans. As a descendant of enslaved Africans, I am constantly reminded of the cost of the “American experiment.” Chattel slavery built this country, and my ancestors lives were only as valuable as the work they completed, the output they produced. That original sin is often glossed over; even today politicians claim America is “not a racist country” when it was literally built on the backs of the extremely racial institution of slavery.

I grew up during the 1990s, a decade of innovation and prosperity in America. During my childhood, it seemed like things were on the up and up for the USA. But even then, there were subtle signs that my country of origin wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Unfortunately I experienced racism as young as 4 years old. I was called racial slurs, told to “go back to Africa,” the list goes on and on.

Where I grew up, racism was blatant—confederate flags, segregated churches, an active Klan chapter just a few counties over. But racism would sneak up on you too. I’ll never forget when one of my closest friends—someone I literally called my brother—told me to go pick his cotton. I assumed I misheard him when he said it the first time; surely my “brother” wouldn’t say something like that to me! He repeated himself for emphasis, and I’ve never forgotten how crushed I felt in that moment.

In 1996, the US hosted the summer Olympics in Atlanta. My mother and I were fortunate enough to get tickets—we saw Michael Johnson and his gold shoes set world records in Track & Field! But those Games were marred by tragedy; a bombing took place that sent the country into a panic. Fast forward to September 11, 2001, another tragic day in American history. After both of those incidents, Americans came together in ways that I had never seen before. It felt like we were actually united—not Black or white, gay or straight, but American. When times got tough, we really lived up to the statement “united we stand, divided we fall.”

And still, I haven’t even begun to touch on the ways America has caused conflict and chaos in other parts of the world. It is hard to be proud when I know how much damage my country has caused to people who look just like me.

To me, being patriotic is resolving to do what I can right these wrongs. I can’t change everything, but I can take small steps. I can try to make things right and be the kind of American I can be proud of. Patriotism is recognizing our painful past and vowing to never let it happen again. True patriotism is creating an American that lives up the the ideals set forth hundreds of years ago: one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Heated

Posted in Normal People Things, She. Me. Her., That's What the World Is Today, Work Life by

What do you complain about the most?

I don’t really think of myself as a “complainer.”

I’m the type of gal to try to make the most of any situation. I say I “go with the flow” though my therapist might call it “conflict avoidant” haha. But I truly don’t have much to complain about in life.

However, one thing chaps my ass so much I’ll actually speak up about it:

If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT.

Nothing irritates me more than a flaky person. The old folks called it “sometimey.” You say one thing, then do another. Behaving this way is a guaranteed method to get my attention (and not in a positive way).

Perhaps I feel this way because I try really hard to keep my commitments. My mother DID NOT PLAY about keeping commitments! Anytime I wanted to sign up for a new activity or team, she would always say, “If you agree to this, you see it through the whole season/year/production/whatever. You don’t have to do it ever again after that, but people are depending on you. If you make this commitment, you keep it.”

So you can imagine how, after a lifetime of keeping commitments, it irks me when others don’t do the same. To me, my word is everything. So if you tell me you’ll do something, I will believe you until you show me otherwise. Therefore…

If you can no longer do a thing, SAY SOMETHING.

I know life happens. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. So if I can’t keep a commitment, I’ll let you know as far in advance as I can (and expect you to do the same). Don’t have people out here counting on you and then just leave them hanging—that is disrespectful and rude.

So be honest. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Keep the promises you do make. Let folks know if situations change.

Then maybe we’ll all have a bit less to complain about!

Tangled Up in Me

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Where can you reduce clutter in your life?

Since I was a child, I’ve always had a lot of “stuff.” School papers, books, knickknacks, stuffed animals—if I received it, I kept it. To this day, my mother expresses amazement at the system of organized chaos I maintained. Yes, my room was a mess, but that mess was cataloged (and if you messed with my mess I would definitely notice).

As an adult, I’m still inclined to keep things but to a significantly smaller extent. These days I hang onto sentimental stuff: cards, photos, ticket stubs, items that are typically smaller and easier to store. I actually competed a project last month to reorganized all my mementos; they are now separated by phase of life, tucked away in labeled bins for easy reference in the future. (How very Virgo of me, spending my hard earned vacation time on home organization projects haha.)

Nowadays, the mental clutter requires more attention than the physical. I struggle so hard with letting memories go…especially when they hurt. The rejections, the embarrassments, the dismissals, the failures, the missed opportunities—all of them live rent-free in my brain and they love making their presence known.

I understand our brains do lots of wild stuff because of evolution; they are hard wired to protect us from danger and memory is part of that. But what I don’t understand is why I can’t purge some of this mental clutter. Why I hold onto it, pull it off the shelf, and examine it so often (even when I’d rather be thinking about pretty much anything else.)

It reminds me of a song:

I’m real good at forgiving

But my heart can’t forget

The ache before the mend

Kelly Clarkson, skip this part

I’m pretty good at moving on, but for some reason my brain just refuses to let go of all the hurt.

Maybe this is all for some higher purpose I haven’t realized yet. Or maybe it’s my depression and anxiety playing tricks on me (as they are known to do). Either way, I’d love to clear out some of these old hurts and make room for more positive thoughts.

Push It

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What part of your routine do you always try to skip if you can?

Every morning starts off (nearly) identically:

  • Wake up.
  • Enjoy a warm beverage (usually coffee, but homemade chai recently entered the rotation).
  • Check email, catch up on socials, or read.
  • A quick yoga flow with my lovely husband.

Next on the docket is my daily exercise. And this, my friends, is the part I skip if I can.

I’ve never been an athletic kind of gal. I’m much more the artistic type, due in large part to my diminished hand-eye coordination and general antipathy toward sweat and labored breathing. In high school when we had to run the mile, I leisurely walked the curves and ran lightly jogged the straight parts of the track. I ate what I wanted and assumed my youthful metabolism would take care of everything.

I was wrong.

Physical activity is so important for our bodies (of course) but also our mental health. In early 2020, I started doing cardio dance routines on YouTube out of boredom mostly, but also as a means to cultivate joy during a truly terrifying time. (I’m telling y’all, dancing to Backstreet Boys and the Spice Girls will put a smile on your face even in the midst of a global pandemic.) The habit stuck, and now I spend at least 30 minutes every day doing some sort of physical activity.

Well, almost every day.

Turns out I’m still not an athletic kind of gal and I don’t think I ever will be. I will always prefer sitting on the couch over going for a run. If I must exercise, I’d like it be in some form where it doesn’t feel like a workout—it just feels like fun. And on the weekends, I have been known to pretend like the running portion of my latest 4-week fitness plan just doesn’t exist.

But I am pushing myself to incorporate more physical activity while also eating more whole (vegan) foods in smaller portions. While I don’t look the same as I did in high school, I feel awesome! (I was too skinny back then anyway—that was the “heroin chic” era of the ‘90s-2000s when too many of us were focused on size instead of health.)

As I type this, I am sitting in my unfinished basement home gym dreading the 30 minutes of exercise I’m about to do. I really really really don’t want to put in this work. But work I must.

Because my body, mind, and spirit are worth it the effort.

skip this part

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Can I skip this part
When I fall to pieces
Back here at start
Need a time machine then

If I could escape all this hurt and this pain, oh, I would
What it’s gonna take to get me through this break is no good

Kelly Clarkson, ‘skip this part’

I know I’m guilty of pushing my feelings aside for convenience, self-preservation, and to protect other people’s feelings. Those so-called “bad” feelings—anger, disappointment, frustration—I’m the queen of holding that ish in. For some many reasons, I’ve convinced myself that these very natural feelings should be hidden away. Other people can feel that way, but not me. Can’t let people know when they hurt you—that’s weakness! Never show people you’re upset—don’t wanna be a buzzkill!

But even the “good” feelings are carefully sequestered; joy, passion, and enthusiasm are carefully meted. Phrases like “a crime of passion” always freaked me out because the emotion takes over. I never want to lose control of myself, even for “good” reason. Not only that, if I allow myself to fully experience those emotions then I’ll open myself up to disappointment. Don’t get too happy because you’ll feel that tumble and crash into sadness even more. Don’t get too excited because then it will hurt twice as much when someone (especially someone you love) lets you down.

But today and from now on, I allow myself to feel.

I am so sick of putting myself into a box because it’s easier than living outside of it. I am wasting one of the most beautiful human experiences—feeling and emotion—because I’m worried about how other people will react. I will always consider and respect the feelings of others, and I try to never shame anyone for feeling a way. So I’m going to apply that sentiment to myself from now on.

Do you allow yourself to feel? How do you express your feelings in a healthy, non-destructive way that still respects the feelings of others?

Sittin’ On Top of the World

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Today was a good day.

I woke up well rested. My workout didn’t (totally) wipe me out.

The class pilot I’ve been stressing out over for a month went swimmingly. I got ahead on not one, but two projects. A colleague gushed over a video series I produced for her; she called the work I thought was basic “amazing.”

The temperature stayed above freezing for most of the day. I tried a new recipe that turned out delicious. The kitchen is clean, supper made enough leftovers for another dinner, and and I’m contentedly watching reruns of The Office with my love.

Today wasn’t spectacular, or life changing. It wasn’t even particularly interesting. But it was such a good day.

In the US, November is seen as a month for gratitude and giving thanks. But too many of us neglect to appreciate the many blessings around us. This is my intention to express gratitude every month, every week, every day of the year.

May we see each day for the beautiful gift it is. May we value each other for the differences that make us unique. May we do our best to make each day a good day for all of us.

Think Twice

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Today my affirmation was, “I will make good choices today.” Not easy choices. Or convenient ones. Good choices.

And it was HARD.

Lately I’ve come to admit that the way I moved through life in the past doesn’t serve me as much anymore. The perfectionism, the self doubt, the use of fear and criticism as motivators—they helped me survive. They were my rock and slingshot, meager tools for slaying giants but effective nonetheless. For a very long time, they felt like the only tools I had.

But now, I choose differently.

I choose to let go of what I can’t change. I choose to believe in myself. I choose to stop punishing for being human. I choose to treat my body with kindness. I choose to speak to myself gently and with encouragement.

I owe it to the version of myself who thought there was no other way.