Tag Archives: love

3 Life Lessons I Wish I’d Learned Sooner (+ a Birthday Bonus Lesson)

Posted in Normal People Things, She. Me. Her. by

It’s my birthday today 🎉—and while birthdays usually mean cake, candles, and maybe a little champagne, this year I’m in a more reflective mood. As I joked in my latest video, I’m an “old bitch” now (truly love that for me), and I’ve realized there are some lessons I really wish I’d picked up sooner in life.

So instead of keeping them to myself, I decided to share them. Here are 3 life lessons (plus a bonus one) that I’m finally learning:

1. Your body will betray you.
Getting older means realizing that your body isn’t invincible. The aches, pains, and slower recovery times are real. If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self to move more, stay active, and take health seriously before it became non-negotiable.

2. F*ck the haters—they suck.
I spent too much of my life worrying about what other people thought of me. Truth is, the haters will always hate, and their opinions don’t matter. Life feels lighter when you stop performing for others and start living for yourself.

3. Put your phone down and actually enjoy your life.
Scrolling is easy, but it doesn’t feed the soul. These days I’m learning to find joy in the little things—like walks in nature, good food, or just noticing the world around me. Life is too short to miss it because of a screen.

✨ Bonus Lesson: Don’t just survive—live!
It’s not enough to just make it through the day. As I enter my 38th year on Planet Earth, I want to create moments worth remembering, embrace joy where I can, and make the most of this one life.

🎥 Watch the full video here: Birthday Wisdom from an Old B*tch 🎉 3 Lessons I Learned the Hard Way

So here’s to another year older, hopefully wiser, and definitely bolder! If any of these lessons resonate with you, I’d love to hear which one hits home the most.

#lifelessons #birthdayreflections #selfgrowth #gettingolder #authenticity #selfcare

Heated

Posted in Normal People Things, She. Me. Her., That's What the World Is Today, Work Life by

What do you complain about the most?

I don’t really think of myself as a “complainer.”

I’m the type of gal to try to make the most of any situation. I say I “go with the flow” though my therapist might call it “conflict avoidant” haha. But I truly don’t have much to complain about in life.

However, one thing chaps my ass so much I’ll actually speak up about it:

If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT.

Nothing irritates me more than a flaky person. The old folks called it “sometimey.” You say one thing, then do another. Behaving this way is a guaranteed method to get my attention (and not in a positive way).

Perhaps I feel this way because I try really hard to keep my commitments. My mother DID NOT PLAY about keeping commitments! Anytime I wanted to sign up for a new activity or team, she would always say, “If you agree to this, you see it through the whole season/year/production/whatever. You don’t have to do it ever again after that, but people are depending on you. If you make this commitment, you keep it.”

So you can imagine how, after a lifetime of keeping commitments, it irks me when others don’t do the same. To me, my word is everything. So if you tell me you’ll do something, I will believe you until you show me otherwise. Therefore…

If you can no longer do a thing, SAY SOMETHING.

I know life happens. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. So if I can’t keep a commitment, I’ll let you know as far in advance as I can (and expect you to do the same). Don’t have people out here counting on you and then just leave them hanging—that is disrespectful and rude.

So be honest. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Keep the promises you do make. Let folks know if situations change.

Then maybe we’ll all have a bit less to complain about!

Love Like This

Posted in She. Me. Her., You + Me = Us by

Another poem as Valentines Day approaches:

I wish I’d never read Bridgerton.

Eight siblings, neatly ordered by name, forever bound by blood.

The Bridgertons fell in love, and I fell in love with the love.

A society lady got swept off her feet and I turned page

after page

after page

because I too wish to be carried away.

How does it feel to ride a wave of emotion so strong

you’d rather die than fight it?

To be so enamored you’d risk life and liberty

to bear his children, his name?

To read his words, etched in ink and sent across oceans

and know, in your heart of hearts,

he wouldn’t trade you for anyone else?

My brown skin and locs aren’t what the text describes

but I can’t help putting myself on the page.

What does it feel like to be the prize?

Not an afterthought, but the one sought after?

This is just a story meant to keep saps like me buying books

and merch

and Netflix subscriptions.

But I still ache for romance sweet enough to be a best seller.

My Only Wish (This Year)

Posted in Normal People Things, She. Me. Her., That's What the World Is Today by

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. What kid doesn’t love the twinkling lights, the tree covered in bits and baubles, and (of course) the presents that awaited on Christmas morning? As an adult, I still look forward to this time of year.

It’s the spirit.

My mom made tons of holiday treats—yogurt dipped pretzels, peanut butter fudge, and her famous chocolate no-bake cookies—and I, her assistant elf, helped deliver the goodies to family like Santa in his sleigh. We sat a spell, cracking jokes and telling stories, then headed to our next delivery for more of the same. We carried a spirit of giving, fellowship, and gratitude.

This time of year, we have fun. We give. We look forward to the promise a new year can bring. We intend; we manifest; we resolve.

I wish we kept the spirit all year long. Especially now, as so much tragedy unfolds in the world. 

May we all move forward with positive intent and gracious hearts. May we demonstrate with our actions the age old adage “’tis better to give than to receive.” May we love our neighbors as we love ourselves, and love ourselves fiercely. 

skip this part

Posted in She. Me. Her. by

Can I skip this part
When I fall to pieces
Back here at start
Need a time machine then

If I could escape all this hurt and this pain, oh, I would
What it’s gonna take to get me through this break is no good

Kelly Clarkson, ‘skip this part’

I know I’m guilty of pushing my feelings aside for convenience, self-preservation, and to protect other people’s feelings. Those so-called “bad” feelings—anger, disappointment, frustration—I’m the queen of holding that ish in. For some many reasons, I’ve convinced myself that these very natural feelings should be hidden away. Other people can feel that way, but not me. Can’t let people know when they hurt you—that’s weakness! Never show people you’re upset—don’t wanna be a buzzkill!

But even the “good” feelings are carefully sequestered; joy, passion, and enthusiasm are carefully meted. Phrases like “a crime of passion” always freaked me out because the emotion takes over. I never want to lose control of myself, even for “good” reason. Not only that, if I allow myself to fully experience those emotions then I’ll open myself up to disappointment. Don’t get too happy because you’ll feel that tumble and crash into sadness even more. Don’t get too excited because then it will hurt twice as much when someone (especially someone you love) lets you down.

But today and from now on, I allow myself to feel.

I am so sick of putting myself into a box because it’s easier than living outside of it. I am wasting one of the most beautiful human experiences—feeling and emotion—because I’m worried about how other people will react. I will always consider and respect the feelings of others, and I try to never shame anyone for feeling a way. So I’m going to apply that sentiment to myself from now on.

Do you allow yourself to feel? How do you express your feelings in a healthy, non-destructive way that still respects the feelings of others?

Sittin’ On Top of the World

Posted in She. Me. Her. by

Today was a good day.

I woke up well rested. My workout didn’t (totally) wipe me out.

The class pilot I’ve been stressing out over for a month went swimmingly. I got ahead on not one, but two projects. A colleague gushed over a video series I produced for her; she called the work I thought was basic “amazing.”

The temperature stayed above freezing for most of the day. I tried a new recipe that turned out delicious. The kitchen is clean, supper made enough leftovers for another dinner, and and I’m contentedly watching reruns of The Office with my love.

Today wasn’t spectacular, or life changing. It wasn’t even particularly interesting. But it was such a good day.

In the US, November is seen as a month for gratitude and giving thanks. But too many of us neglect to appreciate the many blessings around us. This is my intention to express gratitude every month, every week, every day of the year.

May we see each day for the beautiful gift it is. May we value each other for the differences that make us unique. May we do our best to make each day a good day for all of us.

Buy Me a Rose

Posted in family, Normal People Things, She. Me. Her., That's What the World Is Today by

“Give people their flowers while they’re here.”

You’ve heard that saying, right? Basically, we should tell people how much they mean to us while they are around to hear it. It’s a call to action we can all take on.

Sometimes, I wish it were taken more literally.

I absolutely adore fresh flowers. (I honestly think it’s a hereditary thing–a lot of the women in my family are flower freaks.) While expensive to send, I know nothing will thrill my grandmother more than a beautiful bouquet. My great-aunt always had fresh flowers in the house when she was alive. Just last week, my husband surprised me with flowers and I thought my heart would explode. It’s wild how something a small as a $15 arrangement from the grocery store down the street can bring so much joy.

So I want to start giving people their flowers by literally giving them their flowers.

Over the next year, I want to send surprise flowers to people I care about. Family, friends–anyone who’s made a positive impact in my life. Not for a holiday or anything in particular, just because they are special to me.

I hope their hearts are fill with joy.

I hope they feel special, appreciated, loved.

I hope they see the beauty in the gift as a reflection of the beauty in them.

I’ve heard more than once that flowers aren’t a great gift because they eventually die. Who wants a gift that doesn’t last? Cut flowers show their colors and slowly fade away until nothing is left but the memory.

But isn’t that true of all of us?

We eventually die–we cease to exist. While we’re living, we show our colors: our talents, our feelings, our love. We grow older, and eventually all that is left of us is the legacy we leave behind.

We are flowers: beautiful, colorful, fragile, temporary. Acknowledge the beauty in everyone you meet, but especially those who’ve impacted your life in a positive way. Cherish those people; give them support and encouragement just as you’d give water and sunlight to the beautiful blooms you arrange in a vase.

After all, flowers don’t last forever.

Dear Future Husband

Posted in She. Me. Her., You + Me = Us by

You’ve got your work cut out for you, my darling.

I promise I will not try to make your life difficult. In fact, I’ll do whatever I can to help you, to ease your spirit and give you comfort. But I’d be lying if I acted like I didn’t know I’m a bit of a handful, and I think you deserve to know why.

Men have abandoned me my entire life.

The first was my father. When it was time to choose between alcohol or me, his addiction made the choice for him. He left our family. He died a few years later.

The second was my first love. He took all he could from me, then threw me aside. He decided I was good enough to cook and clean and coddle him, but not good enough to be his girlfriend.

The third was the boyfriend who assaulted me. He didn’t ask for my consent. Maybe he didn’t think he needed to. Or maybe he felt like I wasn’t worth asking.

The fourth was the fiancé who tokenized me. He wanted all I had to offer, but not me as a person. His true feelings showed when I ended our engagement; he told me just how terrible he thought I was.

The fifth was the fiancé who abused me. He hurt me mentally, emotionally, and physically. He gaslit me. He expected me to do all the housework, pay all the bills, and raise all of his children. He spent all of my money. He tried to strangle me.

That cruel man was the last to break my heart before I met you.

In spite of all the negative, I still believe in love. And when I love, I love HARD. It may take time for me to give you my heart, but if and when I do, you get all of it.

I’ve decided to give my heart to you, future husband. I expect few things in return.

I expect you will treat me gently and with kindness.

I expect you will defend me and protect me from anyone or anything that attempts to do me harm.

I expect you will listen to me. Pay attention to my words and actions. I say what I mean and mean what I say—all you have to do is listen.

I expect you will be there for me when I need you.

All of these expectations are ones I have for myself also. I will be kind. I will defend you. I will listen to you. I will be there for you whenever or whatever the circumstance.

I will treat you how I want to be treated.

Because even though men have abandoned me and broken my heart, the strong women in my life taught me to always treat others with the respect and dignity I want to receive. And I will. You will have my full, never-ending adoration, respect, and love until you treat me like you no longer deserve it.

Marriage is something I plan to do once and only once. Choosing a husband is not a choice I make lightly. It means a lot to me.

It means I’ve found the man who will treat me the way all the other men didn’t…

…like someone worthy of love.

Calls with Mommy #100HappyDays

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Day 17: Phone calls with my mommy make me happy. I speak with my mom on the phone a couple of times a week–I literally just got off the phone with her–and every time I hear her voice, I smile. She is so smart and always has the best advice and I love her more than anything in the world! I wish I lived closer so that we could spend more time together face-to-face, but these phone calls keep me happy in between visits.