Tag Archives: personal growth

3 Life Lessons I Wish I’d Learned Sooner (+ a Birthday Bonus Lesson)

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It’s my birthday today 🎉—and while birthdays usually mean cake, candles, and maybe a little champagne, this year I’m in a more reflective mood. As I joked in my latest video, I’m an “old bitch” now (truly love that for me), and I’ve realized there are some lessons I really wish I’d picked up sooner in life.

So instead of keeping them to myself, I decided to share them. Here are 3 life lessons (plus a bonus one) that I’m finally learning:

1. Your body will betray you.
Getting older means realizing that your body isn’t invincible. The aches, pains, and slower recovery times are real. If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self to move more, stay active, and take health seriously before it became non-negotiable.

2. F*ck the haters—they suck.
I spent too much of my life worrying about what other people thought of me. Truth is, the haters will always hate, and their opinions don’t matter. Life feels lighter when you stop performing for others and start living for yourself.

3. Put your phone down and actually enjoy your life.
Scrolling is easy, but it doesn’t feed the soul. These days I’m learning to find joy in the little things—like walks in nature, good food, or just noticing the world around me. Life is too short to miss it because of a screen.

✨ Bonus Lesson: Don’t just survive—live!
It’s not enough to just make it through the day. As I enter my 38th year on Planet Earth, I want to create moments worth remembering, embrace joy where I can, and make the most of this one life.

🎥 Watch the full video here: Birthday Wisdom from an Old B*tch 🎉 3 Lessons I Learned the Hard Way

So here’s to another year older, hopefully wiser, and definitely bolder! If any of these lessons resonate with you, I’d love to hear which one hits home the most.

#lifelessons #birthdayreflections #selfgrowth #gettingolder #authenticity #selfcare

She Is: Values Pt. 2

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This post is part of a series. To get the full experience, start here.

Accountability: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions.

Merriam-Webster

In elementary school, we had a ritual that laid the foundation. At the start of each day, a short greeting and some specific instructions echoed from the loudspeaker at the front of the room: Stand beside your desk, say the Pledge of Allegiance, and repeat this mantra:

“I am special.
I am responsible for my actions.
I am going to do my best work today.”

I repeated those three sentences every day from kindergarten through fourth grade, so I can’t say I’m shocked they stuck. Add in a Black mama who didn’t play about decorum plus my Virgo sun sign and the “A” in my initials might as well stand for Accountable.

I’ve always felt an obligation and a willingness to accept responsibility for my actions. It is my duty to hold myself accountable to my own personal convictions and be the person my mama raised me to be, a kind, generous, productive, contributing member of society. I also really like being the person who does what they say they’ll do, someone others can rely on. When people think of me, I want them think of someone who says what she means, means what she says, and isn’t afraid to admit when she’s wrong.

It frustrates me that others aren’t as accountable. I know I hold myself to some pretty high standards (I am very, very much a Virgo) but sometimes I wonder why some people refuse to take the tiniest bit of accountability. Too many folks make excuses, act wishy-washy, or have a million and one reasons why everyone else is at fault but them.

I’ll use myself as an example! I wholeheartedly intended to post updates to this series every week. But for a whole host of reasons, this post didn’t go up when I wanted. I didn’t do exactly what I said I would.

I could blame my job for keeping me busy. Or my husband and dog for needing my attention. Or even my iPad for not having enough battery!

But that isn’t accountability.

Instead, I will acknowledge that the post is late (which it is). I will apologize if that upset anyone (sorry about that y’all). And in the future, I’ll do my best to post on time (and hopefully y’all will give me grace if I am late sometimes).

Nobody’s perfect, but we can all try to hold ourselves accountable for our actions. We can all take responsibility for the actions we take and the energy we put into the world, even when we mess up.

She Is: Values Pt. 1

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As promised in my last post, I’m back to share my 8 core values from Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead list. The values I hold most deeply are:

  • Accountability
  • Equality
  • Financial Stability
  • Honesty
  • Independence
  • Loyalty
  • Perseverance
  • Reliability

To get to this list, I narrowed the full list of over 100 values down to 24 finalists. My final 8 came from those 24. In the original version of this activity, you should narrow down even further to just 2 or 3 values. However, my therapist recommended choosing 8 because our value system can be complex. And let’s be honest- choosing just 2 or 3 values wouldn’t make of a blog series. 🙂

I expected this exercise to be difficult, but holy dang! A lot of introspection and reflection went into just narrowing the list down. I also really thought about what each value meant, searching for definitions and critically assessing what that word meant to me.

I highly encourage everyone who is on a path of personal growth to identify their own top 8! You can view the full list of values here. By examining our thoughts and motivations, we can better understand ourselves and each other.

This is Me

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Truth.

We each have our own ideas and perspectives on what is true. This is based on what we learn, see, and experience through our lives. Truth is an idea that is deceptively simple and overwhelmingly complicated all at the same time.

This morning, Goddess encouraged me to explore my truth. And I must admit, I am struggling with this directive.

Who am I, truthfully?

What do I honestly want for my life?

Am I brave enough to live my truth unapologetically?

To answer these questions, I’ll explore my personal values. I feel the best way to articulate who I am is to thoroughly outline my fundamental truths, the basic beliefs that shape how I move through the world.

So welcome to the This is Me series! In this collection of posts, I’ll examine my core values using Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead list.

First, I’ll share the 8 core values I’ve chosen. Then we’ll dig into each one in detail. Each post will focus on a single value and why it is so important to me. My goal is to deepen my understanding of myself and stand firmly and proudly in who I am.

I’m so excited to begin this journey toward self-acceptance, and I encourage you to come along for the ride! May we all embrace our truth, accept who we are, and move forward more confidently in life.

The Power of Now: Actionable Tips for Living Your Best Life (from guest blogger Melissa Howard)

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Photo by Freepik

In an era where life’s pace never seems to slow, finding your path to personal excellence might appear formidable. Yet, it’s the incremental changes to our everyday habits that can dramatically shift our trajectory toward success and fulfillment. This guide from Deep Curves Ahead provides actionable steps you can take to enhance your well-being, nurture personal growth, and achieve your aspirations.

The Essential Role of Quality Sleep

The cornerstone of a productive and fulfilling day begins with a good night’s sleep. Adequate rest is paramount, not merely for physical rejuvenation but for mental sharpness and emotional balance as well. When you commit to 7-9 hours of quality sleep nightly, you lay the groundwork for enhanced focus, improved mood regulation, and overall physical health. It’s the fuel that powers your ability to confront daily challenges with vigor and resilience.

Navigate Stress with Grace

The presence of stress in our lives is a given, yet its impact is determined by our management of it. Identifying stress triggers and embracing coping mechanisms such as mindfulness practices, deep breathing exercises, and self-care rituals, transform stress from a hindrance into a catalyst for growth. This proactive approach to stress management not only alleviates immediate tension but also fortifies your resilience against future stressors.

Find Renewal Through Deep Cleaning

A cluttered environment often mirrors a cluttered mind, where both can significantly hinder your ability to focus and manifest your goals. Committing to a deep cleaning of your living space not only refreshes your surroundings but also declutters your mental landscape. Make this process easier by unearthing cleaning hacks and tips from reputable online sources. This act of renewal invites creativity, enhances focus, and cultivates a serene environment conducive to personal growth and productivity.

Become a Better Communicator

The art of communication is a pivotal tool in building and maintaining successful relationships. By enhancing your ability to listen actively, express yourself assertively, and extend empathy, you deepen your connections and navigate conflicts with ease. These communication skills are instrumental in cultivating a supportive network and advancing collaborative efforts, both personally and professionally.

Embrace Organization In All Aspects of Your Life

A well-organized life is a foundation for efficiency and clarity. Developing systematic routines and employing organizational tools like planners and digital applications streamline your daily tasks, thereby freeing up time for growth-oriented activities. This strategic approach not only minimizes stress but also aligns your daily actions with your overarching goals, ensuring steady progress toward your aspirations.

Use Your Vacation Time 

Embracing the full potential of your vacation time can be a transformative experience, not just a break from your daily routine. Instead of letting those precious days go unused, plan trips that you’ve long dreamed about. Whether it’s exploring the hidden gems within your own state, discovering the diverse cultures and landscapes across your country, or venturing into the vast and varied terrains of the world, each journey offers a unique opportunity for personal growth and enrichment. Traveling broadens your horizons, exposes you to new ideas, and fosters a deeper understanding of the world and your place in it.

Go Back to School to Boost Your Career

Going back to school is a strategic move for career advancement, and choosing an online degree program adds a layer of convenience and flexibility that can be pivotal for working professionals. For instance, if you’re a nurse, with a master’s of science degree in nursing, you can gain valuable skills designed to equip students with a range of competencies, from advanced patient care to healthcare policy and ethics, all of which are critical in today’s rapidly evolving medical field. The beauty of an online education format is that it allows you to balance your work and family life without compromising on your academic goals.

The path to living your best life is paved with intentional actions and mindful decisions. By embracing these strategies, you’re not merely dreaming of a better tomorrow; you’re actively constructing it. Each day presents a new opportunity to apply these principles, gradually steering your life toward a future brimming with success, fulfillment, and personal achievement. Start today, and with each step, you’ll move closer to realizing the life you envision.

Join the journey at Deep Curves Ahead, where engaging and uplifting stories await to guide and inspire you through life’s twists and turns. 

Heated

Posted in Normal People Things, She. Me. Her., That's What the World Is Today, Work Life by

What do you complain about the most?

I don’t really think of myself as a “complainer.”

I’m the type of gal to try to make the most of any situation. I say I “go with the flow” though my therapist might call it “conflict avoidant” haha. But I truly don’t have much to complain about in life.

However, one thing chaps my ass so much I’ll actually speak up about it:

If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT.

Nothing irritates me more than a flaky person. The old folks called it “sometimey.” You say one thing, then do another. Behaving this way is a guaranteed method to get my attention (and not in a positive way).

Perhaps I feel this way because I try really hard to keep my commitments. My mother DID NOT PLAY about keeping commitments! Anytime I wanted to sign up for a new activity or team, she would always say, “If you agree to this, you see it through the whole season/year/production/whatever. You don’t have to do it ever again after that, but people are depending on you. If you make this commitment, you keep it.”

So you can imagine how, after a lifetime of keeping commitments, it irks me when others don’t do the same. To me, my word is everything. So if you tell me you’ll do something, I will believe you until you show me otherwise. Therefore…

If you can no longer do a thing, SAY SOMETHING.

I know life happens. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. So if I can’t keep a commitment, I’ll let you know as far in advance as I can (and expect you to do the same). Don’t have people out here counting on you and then just leave them hanging—that is disrespectful and rude.

So be honest. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Keep the promises you do make. Let folks know if situations change.

Then maybe we’ll all have a bit less to complain about!

Tangled Up in Me

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Where can you reduce clutter in your life?

Since I was a child, I’ve always had a lot of “stuff.” School papers, books, knickknacks, stuffed animals—if I received it, I kept it. To this day, my mother expresses amazement at the system of organized chaos I maintained. Yes, my room was a mess, but that mess was cataloged (and if you messed with my mess I would definitely notice).

As an adult, I’m still inclined to keep things but to a significantly smaller extent. These days I hang onto sentimental stuff: cards, photos, ticket stubs, items that are typically smaller and easier to store. I actually competed a project last month to reorganized all my mementos; they are now separated by phase of life, tucked away in labeled bins for easy reference in the future. (How very Virgo of me, spending my hard earned vacation time on home organization projects haha.)

Nowadays, the mental clutter requires more attention than the physical. I struggle so hard with letting memories go…especially when they hurt. The rejections, the embarrassments, the dismissals, the failures, the missed opportunities—all of them live rent-free in my brain and they love making their presence known.

I understand our brains do lots of wild stuff because of evolution; they are hard wired to protect us from danger and memory is part of that. But what I don’t understand is why I can’t purge some of this mental clutter. Why I hold onto it, pull it off the shelf, and examine it so often (even when I’d rather be thinking about pretty much anything else.)

It reminds me of a song:

I’m real good at forgiving

But my heart can’t forget

The ache before the mend

Kelly Clarkson, skip this part

I’m pretty good at moving on, but for some reason my brain just refuses to let go of all the hurt.

Maybe this is all for some higher purpose I haven’t realized yet. Or maybe it’s my depression and anxiety playing tricks on me (as they are known to do). Either way, I’d love to clear out some of these old hurts and make room for more positive thoughts.

Here’s to the Night

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If you didn’t need sleep, what would you do with all the extra time?

I’ve always been an “early to bed, early to rise” kind of gal. My childhood best friend and I were reminiscing the other day and she laughed while recalling how even at noisy slumber parties I would take myself to bed whenever I got tired enough. What can I say? I need my beauty rest, and lots of it.

But what if sleep wasn’t a necessity? What would I do if I had the full 24 hours in my day?

Short answer: EVERYTHING.

I would go to clubs and parties in the wee hours of the night, just to see what all the fuss is about. (I’ve long been skeptical that those places are actually fun after midnight.)

I would clean my house within an inch of its life and finally, finally be caught up on laundry.

I would stay up late talking with my husband, growing closer together as we watched the sun rise.

I would finish all the books I’ve been trying to read and get my library hold list down to 0.

I would have more sessions with my therapist.

I would exercise more. (The pandemic taught me that I will work out if I have literally nothing else to do.)

I would volunteer in my community.

I would spend more time with my family and friends. (Traveling wouldn’t be as big of a hassle if I could do it while the rest of the world is sleeping.)

I would blog more and finally start that memoir I’ve been itching to write.

And, if I’m really being honest with myself, I would probably long for the “beauty rest” I no longer needed.

I would reminisce about the 8-10 hours I used to sleep every day.

I would recall how good it felt to retire at the end of a long day, to quietly slip into that still pool of slumber.

I would achingly remember what it felt like to dream.

Think Twice

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Today my affirmation was, “I will make good choices today.” Not easy choices. Or convenient ones. Good choices.

And it was HARD.

Lately I’ve come to admit that the way I moved through life in the past doesn’t serve me as much anymore. The perfectionism, the self doubt, the use of fear and criticism as motivators—they helped me survive. They were my rock and slingshot, meager tools for slaying giants but effective nonetheless. For a very long time, they felt like the only tools I had.

But now, I choose differently.

I choose to let go of what I can’t change. I choose to believe in myself. I choose to stop punishing for being human. I choose to treat my body with kindness. I choose to speak to myself gently and with encouragement.

I owe it to the version of myself who thought there was no other way.

This Time

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Oh. My. Goodness. …Am I actually getting my shit together?!?

Short answer: Yes. (FINALLY.)

I know it’s been awhile but I’ve decided to give this blogging thing a try. Again. For the umpteenth time. After OVER A YEAR of crickets on the blog.

It isn’t like I haven’t thought about it, though. I’ve often tried to drum up the inspiration, the energy to write. But it didn’t feel right until now.

You know, one of the reasons I’ve avoided writing here is because this blog chronicles some of the lowest points of my life. Reading the entries reminds me of how broken, how lost and afraid I was. The wounds may have healed a bit over time, but the memories of their infliction never faded.

My goal now is to rediscover my love of writing, explore all the things I’m learning about myself on my journey through therapy, and HEAL. (Not necessarily in that order.)

If I’m lucky, maybe I’ll help some of y’all who are healing too.

Life is full of twists and turns, a road ever winding with deep curves ahead. Some times we find ourselves at dead ends. Other times the path is leisurely, not a pothole or speed bump in sight. The only thing we know for sure is that there is no GPS and we can’t refill our tanks when our fuel finally runs out.

So let’s take this journey.

Let’s hop into the driver’s seat of our lives.

Spark the ignition of hope.

Check the rear view mirror to remember where we came from.

Turn toward the path of growth, peace, joy.

…and hit the gas.