Tag Archives: self care

She Is: Values Pt. 2

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This post is part of a series. To get the full experience, start here.

Accountability: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions.

Merriam-Webster

In elementary school, we had a ritual that laid the foundation. At the start of each day, a short greeting and some specific instructions echoed from the loudspeaker at the front of the room: Stand beside your desk, say the Pledge of Allegiance, and repeat this mantra:

“I am special.
I am responsible for my actions.
I am going to do my best work today.”

I repeated those three sentences every day from kindergarten through fourth grade, so I can’t say I’m shocked they stuck. Add in a Black mama who didn’t play about decorum plus my Virgo sun sign and the “A” in my initials might as well stand for Accountable.

I’ve always felt an obligation and a willingness to accept responsibility for my actions. It is my duty to hold myself accountable to my own personal convictions and be the person my mama raised me to be, a kind, generous, productive, contributing member of society. I also really like being the person who does what they say they’ll do, someone others can rely on. When people think of me, I want them think of someone who says what she means, means what she says, and isn’t afraid to admit when she’s wrong.

It frustrates me that others aren’t as accountable. I know I hold myself to some pretty high standards (I am very, very much a Virgo) but sometimes I wonder why some people refuse to take the tiniest bit of accountability. Too many folks make excuses, act wishy-washy, or have a million and one reasons why everyone else is at fault but them.

I’ll use myself as an example! I wholeheartedly intended to post updates to this series every week. But for a whole host of reasons, this post didn’t go up when I wanted. I didn’t do exactly what I said I would.

I could blame my job for keeping me busy. Or my husband and dog for needing my attention. Or even my iPad for not having enough battery!

But that isn’t accountability.

Instead, I will acknowledge that the post is late (which it is). I will apologize if that upset anyone (sorry about that y’all). And in the future, I’ll do my best to post on time (and hopefully y’all will give me grace if I am late sometimes).

Nobody’s perfect, but we can all try to hold ourselves accountable for our actions. We can all take responsibility for the actions we take and the energy we put into the world, even when we mess up.

She Is: Values Pt. 1

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As promised in my last post, I’m back to share my 8 core values from Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead list. The values I hold most deeply are:

  • Accountability
  • Equality
  • Financial Stability
  • Honesty
  • Independence
  • Loyalty
  • Perseverance
  • Reliability

To get to this list, I narrowed the full list of over 100 values down to 24 finalists. My final 8 came from those 24. In the original version of this activity, you should narrow down even further to just 2 or 3 values. However, my therapist recommended choosing 8 because our value system can be complex. And let’s be honest- choosing just 2 or 3 values wouldn’t make of a blog series. 🙂

I expected this exercise to be difficult, but holy dang! A lot of introspection and reflection went into just narrowing the list down. I also really thought about what each value meant, searching for definitions and critically assessing what that word meant to me.

I highly encourage everyone who is on a path of personal growth to identify their own top 8! You can view the full list of values here. By examining our thoughts and motivations, we can better understand ourselves and each other.

This is Me

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Truth.

We each have our own ideas and perspectives on what is true. This is based on what we learn, see, and experience through our lives. Truth is an idea that is deceptively simple and overwhelmingly complicated all at the same time.

This morning, Goddess encouraged me to explore my truth. And I must admit, I am struggling with this directive.

Who am I, truthfully?

What do I honestly want for my life?

Am I brave enough to live my truth unapologetically?

To answer these questions, I’ll explore my personal values. I feel the best way to articulate who I am is to thoroughly outline my fundamental truths, the basic beliefs that shape how I move through the world.

So welcome to the This is Me series! In this collection of posts, I’ll examine my core values using Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead list.

First, I’ll share the 8 core values I’ve chosen. Then we’ll dig into each one in detail. Each post will focus on a single value and why it is so important to me. My goal is to deepen my understanding of myself and stand firmly and proudly in who I am.

I’m so excited to begin this journey toward self-acceptance, and I encourage you to come along for the ride! May we all embrace our truth, accept who we are, and move forward more confidently in life.

The Power of Now: Actionable Tips for Living Your Best Life (from guest blogger Melissa Howard)

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Photo by Freepik

In an era where life’s pace never seems to slow, finding your path to personal excellence might appear formidable. Yet, it’s the incremental changes to our everyday habits that can dramatically shift our trajectory toward success and fulfillment. This guide from Deep Curves Ahead provides actionable steps you can take to enhance your well-being, nurture personal growth, and achieve your aspirations.

The Essential Role of Quality Sleep

The cornerstone of a productive and fulfilling day begins with a good night’s sleep. Adequate rest is paramount, not merely for physical rejuvenation but for mental sharpness and emotional balance as well. When you commit to 7-9 hours of quality sleep nightly, you lay the groundwork for enhanced focus, improved mood regulation, and overall physical health. It’s the fuel that powers your ability to confront daily challenges with vigor and resilience.

Navigate Stress with Grace

The presence of stress in our lives is a given, yet its impact is determined by our management of it. Identifying stress triggers and embracing coping mechanisms such as mindfulness practices, deep breathing exercises, and self-care rituals, transform stress from a hindrance into a catalyst for growth. This proactive approach to stress management not only alleviates immediate tension but also fortifies your resilience against future stressors.

Find Renewal Through Deep Cleaning

A cluttered environment often mirrors a cluttered mind, where both can significantly hinder your ability to focus and manifest your goals. Committing to a deep cleaning of your living space not only refreshes your surroundings but also declutters your mental landscape. Make this process easier by unearthing cleaning hacks and tips from reputable online sources. This act of renewal invites creativity, enhances focus, and cultivates a serene environment conducive to personal growth and productivity.

Become a Better Communicator

The art of communication is a pivotal tool in building and maintaining successful relationships. By enhancing your ability to listen actively, express yourself assertively, and extend empathy, you deepen your connections and navigate conflicts with ease. These communication skills are instrumental in cultivating a supportive network and advancing collaborative efforts, both personally and professionally.

Embrace Organization In All Aspects of Your Life

A well-organized life is a foundation for efficiency and clarity. Developing systematic routines and employing organizational tools like planners and digital applications streamline your daily tasks, thereby freeing up time for growth-oriented activities. This strategic approach not only minimizes stress but also aligns your daily actions with your overarching goals, ensuring steady progress toward your aspirations.

Use Your Vacation Time 

Embracing the full potential of your vacation time can be a transformative experience, not just a break from your daily routine. Instead of letting those precious days go unused, plan trips that you’ve long dreamed about. Whether it’s exploring the hidden gems within your own state, discovering the diverse cultures and landscapes across your country, or venturing into the vast and varied terrains of the world, each journey offers a unique opportunity for personal growth and enrichment. Traveling broadens your horizons, exposes you to new ideas, and fosters a deeper understanding of the world and your place in it.

Go Back to School to Boost Your Career

Going back to school is a strategic move for career advancement, and choosing an online degree program adds a layer of convenience and flexibility that can be pivotal for working professionals. For instance, if you’re a nurse, with a master’s of science degree in nursing, you can gain valuable skills designed to equip students with a range of competencies, from advanced patient care to healthcare policy and ethics, all of which are critical in today’s rapidly evolving medical field. The beauty of an online education format is that it allows you to balance your work and family life without compromising on your academic goals.

The path to living your best life is paved with intentional actions and mindful decisions. By embracing these strategies, you’re not merely dreaming of a better tomorrow; you’re actively constructing it. Each day presents a new opportunity to apply these principles, gradually steering your life toward a future brimming with success, fulfillment, and personal achievement. Start today, and with each step, you’ll move closer to realizing the life you envision.

Join the journey at Deep Curves Ahead, where engaging and uplifting stories await to guide and inspire you through life’s twists and turns. 

Here’s to the Night

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If you didn’t need sleep, what would you do with all the extra time?

I’ve always been an “early to bed, early to rise” kind of gal. My childhood best friend and I were reminiscing the other day and she laughed while recalling how even at noisy slumber parties I would take myself to bed whenever I got tired enough. What can I say? I need my beauty rest, and lots of it.

But what if sleep wasn’t a necessity? What would I do if I had the full 24 hours in my day?

Short answer: EVERYTHING.

I would go to clubs and parties in the wee hours of the night, just to see what all the fuss is about. (I’ve long been skeptical that those places are actually fun after midnight.)

I would clean my house within an inch of its life and finally, finally be caught up on laundry.

I would stay up late talking with my husband, growing closer together as we watched the sun rise.

I would finish all the books I’ve been trying to read and get my library hold list down to 0.

I would have more sessions with my therapist.

I would exercise more. (The pandemic taught me that I will work out if I have literally nothing else to do.)

I would volunteer in my community.

I would spend more time with my family and friends. (Traveling wouldn’t be as big of a hassle if I could do it while the rest of the world is sleeping.)

I would blog more and finally start that memoir I’ve been itching to write.

And, if I’m really being honest with myself, I would probably long for the “beauty rest” I no longer needed.

I would reminisce about the 8-10 hours I used to sleep every day.

I would recall how good it felt to retire at the end of a long day, to quietly slip into that still pool of slumber.

I would achingly remember what it felt like to dream.

skip this part

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Can I skip this part
When I fall to pieces
Back here at start
Need a time machine then

If I could escape all this hurt and this pain, oh, I would
What it’s gonna take to get me through this break is no good

Kelly Clarkson, ‘skip this part’

I know I’m guilty of pushing my feelings aside for convenience, self-preservation, and to protect other people’s feelings. Those so-called “bad” feelings—anger, disappointment, frustration—I’m the queen of holding that ish in. For some many reasons, I’ve convinced myself that these very natural feelings should be hidden away. Other people can feel that way, but not me. Can’t let people know when they hurt you—that’s weakness! Never show people you’re upset—don’t wanna be a buzzkill!

But even the “good” feelings are carefully sequestered; joy, passion, and enthusiasm are carefully meted. Phrases like “a crime of passion” always freaked me out because the emotion takes over. I never want to lose control of myself, even for “good” reason. Not only that, if I allow myself to fully experience those emotions then I’ll open myself up to disappointment. Don’t get too happy because you’ll feel that tumble and crash into sadness even more. Don’t get too excited because then it will hurt twice as much when someone (especially someone you love) lets you down.

But today and from now on, I allow myself to feel.

I am so sick of putting myself into a box because it’s easier than living outside of it. I am wasting one of the most beautiful human experiences—feeling and emotion—because I’m worried about how other people will react. I will always consider and respect the feelings of others, and I try to never shame anyone for feeling a way. So I’m going to apply that sentiment to myself from now on.

Do you allow yourself to feel? How do you express your feelings in a healthy, non-destructive way that still respects the feelings of others?

This Time

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Oh. My. Goodness. …Am I actually getting my shit together?!?

Short answer: Yes. (FINALLY.)

I know it’s been awhile but I’ve decided to give this blogging thing a try. Again. For the umpteenth time. After OVER A YEAR of crickets on the blog.

It isn’t like I haven’t thought about it, though. I’ve often tried to drum up the inspiration, the energy to write. But it didn’t feel right until now.

You know, one of the reasons I’ve avoided writing here is because this blog chronicles some of the lowest points of my life. Reading the entries reminds me of how broken, how lost and afraid I was. The wounds may have healed a bit over time, but the memories of their infliction never faded.

My goal now is to rediscover my love of writing, explore all the things I’m learning about myself on my journey through therapy, and HEAL. (Not necessarily in that order.)

If I’m lucky, maybe I’ll help some of y’all who are healing too.

Life is full of twists and turns, a road ever winding with deep curves ahead. Some times we find ourselves at dead ends. Other times the path is leisurely, not a pothole or speed bump in sight. The only thing we know for sure is that there is no GPS and we can’t refill our tanks when our fuel finally runs out.

So let’s take this journey.

Let’s hop into the driver’s seat of our lives.

Spark the ignition of hope.

Check the rear view mirror to remember where we came from.

Turn toward the path of growth, peace, joy.

…and hit the gas.

No More (Baby Imma Do Right)

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“I’m gettin’ a lil’ tired of your broken promises, promises…”

Y’all remember that song??? 3LW had middle school me hype! I was really out there singing (definitely off-key) to my (completely imaginary) boyfriend to get his (entirely hypothetical) shit together. 😂😂😂

Now, those three little women didn’t know what the hell they were singing about either. (Or maybe they were more sophisticated young adults than I was—who knows?) Either way, I appreciate the message behind the song in a way I couldn’t back then.

Sometimes, we stay in situations we know aren’t good for us. Whether it’s a job or a relationship or something else entirely, we stay because we feel comfortable. We stay because it’s what we know. We stay because we can’t imagine another way.

So we put up with the lies. The abuse. The broken promises, promises. We push aside our intuition and let the situation control us, instead of the other way around. Eventually, we find ourselves two options: stay or go.

Not an easy decision, but a necessary one.

Today, I stand at this crossroads. I can stay comfortable (and unhappy) where I am. I could journey to a new (scary and unknown) place.

I don’t know what to choose.

Without sharing too much, I’ve been in this situation for a long time time (over a decade actually). Many aspects of the situation are excellent, but a few key areas conflict with my personal values. I can choose to overlook those few things and just focus on the good, but that makes me feel like a fraud. I don’t want to lie to anyone, especially myself.

So here I am, between a rock and a hard place. I don’t know what I’m going to choose, but I do now this—I need to make a choice. Because as those three little women sang all those years ago…

“You do, or you don’t. You will, or you won’t.”

Bad Guy

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Whenever I make a choice for myself, I always feel like the bad guy.

Don’t want to go to an event and say so? Bad guy.

Don’t want to be touched and move away? Bad guy.

Don’t want to do something for someone else and mention it? Reallyyyyy bad guy.

Black women in America have been seen as community property for so long that people take offense when we say no. For hundreds of years, we were expected to do everything for everyone. Unfortunately things haven’t changed much. Black women are expected to solve the world’s problems, all while little is being done to solve the problems Black women face.

I’ve known my whole life that “No,” is a complete sentence. (I got a perfect score on the English section of the ACT. #humblebrag) However, I’ve only recently started living it. Some people may be surprised or even offended by the change.

Do I care?

…No. 😉

Wayside

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As you can tell, this blog has gone by the wayside for…a while.

Honestly, some days it’s been a struggle to get out of bed, much less come up with something to say.

If I’m being really truthful with myself, depression had me putting myself by the wayside. But, this is a new chapter.

I’m in therapy. I’m in a good place in my career and relationships. And I’m going to do everything I can to prioritize my happiness and well-being.

Here’s to new beginnings!